Panic Attacks...My Story.

Tight chest.  Gasping for a deep breath.  Heart fluttering.  Am I going to have a heart attack? Am I going to die right here?  If something happens, what is everyone going to do?   I am jsut going to try to fall asleep for a bit.....as its a loooong ride back home!

This was my first experience of a panic or anxiety attack.  I honestly thought I was going to have a heart attack or something. 

Vince and I were on our way to Columbus Ohio to train with my trainer back in September 2002.  We were about an hour and a half away from my trainer's house and I didnt tell Vince how or what I was feeling.  I just told him I was tired and Im going to try and get some sleep.  I must say, its a SCARY feeling!   I didnt know what had happened.

The next panic attack happened in March of 2003, again heading down to Columbus to work a booth at the Arnold Classic.  Vince and I had our 2 dogs packed in the truck and on our way.  I started to get the attack about an hour away.  I told Vince this time, and I wanted to go home.....again, its EXTREMELY scary going through this and you have no idea why or what is going to happen.  He said "well lets jsut try to get to the hotel and see how you feel".  We got to the hotel, stayed there about 30 mins, packed everything back up and left for home!  Poor Vince drove 8 hrs down there, stayed for 30 mins and then 8 hrs back!  And when we got down there we arrived at about 10pm!!!  So the poor guy had to drive all night back home.  I tried everything to relax and take it away, but this was so new to me so I had no idea what it was still.  When we got home, I literally cried the whole weekend.....having vince drive the whole way there and back without rest, letting people down at the booth that I was to work at, and not having control of what was going on with my body.

What the heck was this ....what was happening to me. 

I went to the doctors, explained what was happening and she told me "Panic attacks.  You are experiencing panic attacks."  She then perscribed me some Adivan.
Now this is a difficult thing for me as I DONT LIKE TO TAKE MEDICATION.  I try to stay as natural as possible.  VERY rare that I even advil for a headache!!  So, i didnt take the Adivan.  BUT I did carry it everywhere with me!!

My attacks got so bad that when I left the house to go to work, about 10 mins away from the house and I would start to go into an attack.  I needed to do something.....and heres what I did.

First, i didnt want to be medicated.  Especailly when "something" was causing this, so I wanted to figure out what it was and fix it.  I looked back when my first attack happened.....a month before my moms year anniversary of when she passed.  Same weekend  as when my brother passed 5 years earlier.  Hmmmm.  Then I started to think "why is it i get an attack on the way to work" ?  Ahhhhh!!  I got it!  If something was to happen to me (as i was going to the states, or going to work, or just out of the house) what would my husband do?.....what would my dad do?.....what would my brother do?  THATS what the problem was!  I was scared that they wouldn't be ok.  We have had so many deaths close to us over the years that I felt that if something happened to me then how would or could they handle any more loss.

Now that I feel I have figured out the problem, now I have to control this.  I started to read A LOT!  A lot of self help books!  Then I did a little research and found that Rescue Remedy, a natural homeopathic remedy would help!  I started taking it right away!

It took awhile to get things under control but with some patience, a supporting husband (who could see the warning signs when i was having one), some great books, and rescue remedy, I was starting to feel in control again.  What a relief.  Now if I experience a hint of anxiety, I acknowledge it and figure out what is causing it and relax. 

Here are a few little tidbits of advice on how I handle my attacks......

- relax
- breath deep
- know that everything is fine  
- Rescue remedy (i would put drops in each water bottle all day every day)
- self help books
- take a nap if you can
- simplify things in life
- surround yourself with positive people and weed out the negative ones
- talk about it....you will realize you are not alone.

If you are experiencing panic attacks, feel free to contact me anytime.  One little warning sign that you are going to have one or your body is getting to that point, you will start to yawn. This is your bodies way to relax.  So you may not even be tired but you will start to yawn.  This is how I can tell when any of my competitors are nervous before stepping on stage!;) 

NL xoxo